Catastrova Prima lahir di Pati, Jawa Tengah pada tanggal 6 Maret 1984. Dia menetap di Semarang hingga saat ini. Gadis yang gemar menulis esai dan cerita pendek ini sangat sibuk dengan berbagai kegiatan. Selain sebagai penggiat literasi media di blog Mata Tanda, Catastrova juga ikut terlibat memberikan terapi bagi anak-anak berkebutuhan khusus. Prima dapat diikuti melalui twitter. Twitter:@pima96

***

 

RADIO PEMBERONTAKAN

Nenek mulai memijat punggungku, mengusir pegal akibat terlalu sering menggendong ransel selama perjalanan. Mula-mula seluruh punggungku diolesi dengan minyak telon. Jemarinya yang kapalan itu membuatku sedikit mengantuk. Tapi, aku berusaha tetap terjaga, menunggunya bercerita seperti yang sudah-sudah. Tentang masa mudanya yang seolah tak pernah kedaluwarsa, tentang Bung Tomo, juga tentang Yoesoef—pujaan hatinya. Bukan kakekku tepatnya. Kakekku bernama Tjipto. Ya, aku ingat betul nama kakekku Tjipto Soesanto. Bukan Yoesoef.

Tapi, nenek lebih suka bercerita tentang Yoesoef ketimbang kakekku. Rupanya nenekku masih saja terkenang pada lelaki yang tak diketahui keberadaannya setelah pertempuran berakhir itu. Perihal kakekku, aku sama sekali tak mengenalnya. Lima tahun setelah kakekku meninggal, aku lahir kemudian.

“Kenapa kau tak segera kawin, Tin!” tanya Nenek. Ibu jarinya menekan salah satu titik di tengkukku kemudian diurut agar otot yang mengkal kembali rata.

“Kamu terlalu sering bawa tas berat.” Aku meringis, mencengkeram bantal sambil mengaduh lirih.

Kuhujamkan wajah ke bantal yang berbau minyak kapak itu. Sial. Pijatan nenek membuat sebagian punggungku nyeri. Untung, nenek buru-buru mengolesi punggungku dengan balsem. Sekarang aku bisa merasakan hangatnya yang membuat kantukku makin menjadi. Tapi, belum ada sepatah kata pun keluar dari bibir nenek tentang Yoesoef, tentang peluru yang berdesing berapi-api dari segala penjuru, atau tentang Bung Tomo.

“Kenapa, Tin? Ha? Kawinlah mumpung masih muda,” lanjut Nenek.

“Aku masih ingin bepergian, Nek.”

“Kau kira kalau kau sudah kawin tak bisa bepergian?”

“Mungkin. Seperti nenek, tinggal di rumah. Mengurus anak-anak dan mengurus suami yang sakit.” Nenek tertawa mendengar ucapanku.

“Itu sudah jadi (akibat yang harus kutanggung) sebagai anak orang miskin yang tidak mengenyam pendidikan tinggi, Tin. Jangan kau bandingkan dengan aku.”

Bisa kulihat dari cermin, nenek mulai tersenyum. Sebentar lagi cerita tentang hari di mana banyak korban berjatuhan pasti akan mengalir lancar dari bibirnya. Tentang Bung Tomo yang selalu berapi-api bila menyerukan pidato di Radio Pemberontakan. Tentang Yoesoef yang membunuh Brigadir Jendral Aubertin Mallaby. Dan sedikit tentang kakekku.

Aku hafal cerita itu. Nenek tak pernah ketinggalan menceritakannya bila sedang memijat cucu-cucunya. Sejarah baginya selalu kenyataan

***

Oktober 1945

Radio Pemberontakan mengudara. Lagu pembukanya Tiger Shark karya Peter Hodykinson yang dibawakan oleh Hawaiian Islanders. Ini bukan radio pemerintah dan aku tak tahu kenapa dinamai Radio Pemberontakan. Bung Tomo mendirikan radio ini tiga hari setelah kepulangannya ke Surabaya. Mula-mula gelombangnya pendek, hanya 34 meter. Hampir tiap hari aku pergi ke rumah Yoesoef untuk mendengarkan suara Bung Tomo. Kami biasanya berkumpul di ruang tamu rumah Yoesoef. Aku dan Siti—adik Yoesoef biasanya duduk paling depan karena kami masih kecil.

Radio tergolong benda langka. Hanya orang-orang pergerakan, priyayi dan orang berkedudukan yang memilikinya. Di rumahku tak ada radio. Kami orang miskin, bapakku hanya buruh dan ibuku tidak bekerja. Ibuku selalu menasihati agar kelak aku jadi istri pegawai supaya aku bisa punya radio dan barang lain yang tidak kami punyai. Tapi, aku tak ingin mempersuamikan pegawai. Aku ingin menjadi istri orang pergerakan, seperti Kang Yoesoef.

Jepang sudah kalah. Indonesia merdeka. Kami rakyat kecil hanya berharap bisa hidup tenang setelah melewati masa-masa sulit. Tapi, rupanya merdeka tidak sesederhana itu untuk diakui. Tak lama berselang setelah Radio Pemberontakan mengudara, orang-orang kulit putih datang lagi dengan dalih melucuti senjata tentara Jepang. Tapi, dalih itu berbuntut pada peristiwa dirobeknya bendera merah putih di atas Hotel Yamato dan diganti dengan bendera tiga warna.

Merah, putih, dan biru. Orang-orang pribumi marah, termasuk Yoesoef yang hari itu pergi membawa senapan. Harapan semua orang mendadak pupus. Tapi, pemuda-pemuda termasuk Yoesoef tak pernah gentar pada apa pun. Mati pun mereka rela untuk mempertahankan kemerdekaan.

Aku datang ke rumahnya untuk bertemu Siti.

“Siti mana, Kang?” tanyaku.

“Tak tahu, Pik. Coba kau cari di belakang!”

Aku hanya terpaku memandangi Yoesoef yang tengah bersiap pergi. Suara Bung Tomo menggema di radio. Suara yang memantik semangat pemuda-pemuda yang darahnya masih berdesir mendengar seruan merdeka.

Radio dimatikan. Yoesoef pergi setelah berpamitan padaku. Aku mencari Siti ke belakang. Dia sedang mencari kutu di kepala ibunya.

“Pik?” Siti menoleh. Pik nama panggilanku, kependekan dari Warpiah.

“Kalian tak usah pergi-pergi! Bisa celaka nanti!” Wak Maryam memperingatkan kami.

Aku duduk bersimpuh di dekatnya, memijat pundaknya yang telanjang. Mata Wak Maryam terpejam pelan-pelan lantaran pijatanku dan semilir angin. Namun, tiba-tiba terdengar bunyi tembakan. Tanpa pikir lagi kami berdiri, mencari tempat bersembunyi di dekat sumur. Wak Maryam mendekap tubuhku dan Siti erat.
Tak lama kemudian hening. Wak Maryam meminta kami berdua agar tak beranjak ke mana pun, sementara ia memeriksa ke dalam rumah. Radio dihancurkan. Aku dan Siti membuntutinya kemudian. Ruang depan diobrak-abrik. Wak Maryam memunguti kepingan-kepingan radio yang berserakan di tanah.

“Yoesoef pasti murka,” gumamnya. “Londo edan!”

Aku mengintip dari celah jendela, mengawasi rumahku.

“Jangan pergi dulu, Pik! Nanti kamu ketembak!” Wak Maryam menarik pergelangan tanganku. Aku dan Siti digelandang ke belakang melewati semak-semak kebun tebu.

Terdengar suara tembakan lagi dan karena kaget kakiku terantuk batu di pematang. Aku hampir terjerembab. Untung Siti menahan tubuhku. Wak Maryam menoleh.

“Cepatlah!”

***

Aku, Wak Maryam dan Siti akhirnya tinggal di dapur umum di Pregolan selama baku tembak antara pemuda-pemuda dan tentara Inggris berlangsung. Di sana, Wak Maryam membantu memasak. Sedangkan aku, Siti dan gadis-gadis kecil lainnya ikut membantu melayani pemuda-pemuda yang butuh makan.

Tak pernah kujumpai lagi Yoesoef di tempat pengungsian. Siti maupun Wak Maryam juga tak tahu keberadaannya. Di sana, kami mengikuti kabar pertempuran lewat radio. Setiap hari, Radio Pemberontakan tak berhenti menyiarkan keadaan di pusat Surabaya.

Mallaby tewas. Tak ada yang tahu siapa pembunuhnya, yang jelas pemuda pribumi. Pasukan Inggris murka dan mengumumkan perang. Kudengar Bung Tomo berpidato dengan semangat yang membakar jiwa semua orang.

“Saudara-saudara pemuda-pemuda Indonesia di seluruh tanah air, terutama saudara-saudara pemuda Indonesia yang sedang bertempur di Surabaya pada waktu ini. Banyak teman-teman kita yang telah gugur, Saudara-saudara. Darah telah mengalir di kota ini. Banyak di antara Saudara-saudara yang tidak akan melihat lagi teman-teman Saudara yang tidak bisa kembali ke rumahnya masing-masing. Saudara-saudara, mereka semua telah gugur pada pertempuran-pertempuran yang telah lalu ini. Sudah banyak korban kita, Saudara-saudara. Tapi, percayalah! Mereka ini, Saudara-saudara, mereka semuanya ini, daging, darah, tulang-tulang mereka ini akan menjadi rabuk dari suatu negara merdeka di kelak kemudian hari, di mana, Saudara-saudara, kemakmuran dan keadilan yang merata akan menjadi bagian anak-anak mereka di kelak kemudian hari. Maka, Saudara-saudara teruskan perjuangan. Kita mati, kita lenyap dari dunia ini, tetapi masa depan akan penuh dengan kemakmuran dan keadilan, Saudara-saudara. Marilah, Saudara-saudara, teruskan perjuangan, kemenangan pasti akan di pihak kita. Allahu Akbar!! Allahu Akbar!! Allahu Akbar!! Merdeka!!”

Aku meninggalkan ruangan tempat orang-orang berkumpul untuk menyusul ibuku di dapur umum. Dua hari yang lalu kami mendapat kabar bahwa bapakku dibunuh tentara Inggris. Sedihnya bukan main hatiku. Aku meraung-raung di halaman. Sekarang aku lebih takut lagi kalau ibuku juga dibunuh atau terbunuh. Hidup sebatang kara bukan hal yang mudah.

“Pik! Pik!” Sebuah suara memanggilku setengah berbisik dari balik pepohonan.

“Kang Yoesoef?” Aku menghampiri Yoesoef.

“Kau baik-baik saja?”

“Baik, Kang!” Aku mengangguk.

“Aku turut bersedih atas meninggalnya bapakmu! Tapi sudah kubalaskan dendammu, Pik. Aku sudah menembak Mallaby!”

“Apa?” aku terbelalak. “Kau harus sembunyi, Kang!”

“Aku akan pergi ke Kedung Cowek, Pik!”

Tak lama berselang setelah kedudukan Mallaby diganti Robert Mansergh, kudengar dari Radio Pemberontakan bahwa semua penduduk yang membawa senjata harus menyerahkan diri. Aku merahasiakan kedatangan Yoesoef tempo hari dari siapa pun termasuk Wak Maryam dan Siti, juga ibuku. Tak boleh ada yang tahu tentang Yoesoef yang telah membunuh Brigadir Jendral itu.

Perang meletus beberapa hari kemudian. Bom-bom dijatuhkan dari udara ke gedung-gedung pemerintahan. Surabaya jadi lautan asap dan api. Kami pindah dari pengungsian ke pengungsian lain karena persembunyian sudah tidak aman. Banyak yang terluka dan meninggal, termasuk ibuku. Untung ada Wak Maryam yang berjanji akan menjagaku. Benar-benar hari yang panjang dan melelahkan.

Tiap hari aku mendengarkan perkembangan peperangan dari Radio Pemberontakan. Radio gelap itu kadang-kadang justru membawa petaka bagi orang-orang pribumi. Suara Bung Tomo yang menyihir semua pemuda sering dimanfaatkan pasukan Inggris untuk mendahului tindakan, seperti tadi pagi. Bung Tomo memperingatkan penembak meriam yang ada di Undaan. Tak lama kemudian tersiar kabar bahwa Inggris telah mengahancurkan meriam di Undaan.

“Kang Yoesoef ke mana ya, Mak?” tanya Siti.

Aku hampir tersedak mendengar pertanyaan Siti. Kulirik Wak Maryam yang sedang mengaduk beras.

“Kakangmu ikut perang, hidup atau mati kita hanya bisa menunggunya sampai perang ini selesai.”

Aku ingin memberitahu Siti, tapi urung. Aku tak boleh terlalu gegabah, bisa-bisa nyawa Yoesoef terancam. Banyak mata-mata di sini. Orang pribumi bisa jadi musuh bangsanya sendiri lantaran keserakahan.

“Kalian ikut bantu bungkus nasi sana!” Wak Maryam mengusir kami.

Aku dan Siti buru-buru pergi. Dalam hati aku khawatir dengan keadaan Yoesoef. Tapi benar kata Wak Maryam, aku hanya bisa menunggu sampai perang ini berakhir. Kemungkinannya tiga, hidup, mati, atau tak kembali.

“Aku khawatir dengan keadaan Kang Yoesoef, Pik,” kata Siti muram.

Lagi-lagi aku hanya bisa bungkam. Kurengkuh bahunya. Dia menangis memikirkan nasib kakak satu-satunya yang sampai sekarang tak ada kabarnya.

“Kang Yoesoef pasti kembali,” bisikku menenangkannya. Sekaligus menenangkan hatiku sendiri.

Pemuda-pemuda berdatangan. Ada yang membawa senapan, ada yang membawa luka-luka pada tubuhnya. Aku membantu Wak Maryam membagikan nasi pada mereka. Di dekat pohon, kulihat salah satu teman Yoesoef sedang duduk bergerombol. Kakiku melangkah ke sana dengan sendirinya. Kubagikan nasi pada mereka.

“Lihat Kang Yoesoef, Kang?” tanyaku.

“Tidak, Pik. Sudah dua hari aku tak ketemu Yoesoef.”

Jantungku sekejap berhenti. Aku tersenyum kecil, kemudian berlalu meninggalkan mereka setelah membagi jatah nasi. Kubantu Siti yang sedang menuang minuman. Dapur umum disesaki pemuda-pemuda yang kelaparan dan kelelahan. Kulihat Wak Maryam bersendau gurau dengan seorang perempuan berbalut karung goni. Mereka sibuk membungkusi nasi.

“Kang, lihat Kang Yoesoef tidak?” tanya Siti pada salah seorang teman Yoesoef.

Pemuda yang ditanyai hanya menggeleng lantaran mulutnya belum selesai mengunyah. Siti berlalu dari hadapannya, menanyai teman Yoesoef yang lain. Tapi tak ada yang tahu keberadaan Yoesoef dan dia menangis sambil berlari ke arah Wak Maryam. Wak Maryam mengelus-elus kepalanya dan bilang bahwa Yoesoef akan kembali.

Aku berlari ke ruangan di mana orang-orang sedang mendengarkan berita bahwa Kedung Cowek dihujani meriam. Tempat gudang senjata itu dihancurkan dua jam setelah Bung Tomo memberi komando agar semua senjata dibagikan pada rakyat lewat Radio Pemberontakan. Ah, Bung Tomo memang gegabah. Tiba-tiba aku ingat Yoesoef. Ya, dia ada di Kedung Cowek untuk mengambil senjata bersama rombongan yang membawa truk.

Korban makin banyak yang berjatuhan. Selama 24 jam rumah sakit berjaga penuh karena korban bisa datang terus menerus. Dapur umum juga selalu bersiaga meski pasokan bahan makanan mulai menipis. Pasar-pasar mulai tutup. Para pedagang mengungsi ke perbatasan untuk menghindari bom yang dijatuhkan sewaktu-waktu. Semua orang merasakan ketakutan yang mencekam.

Untung saja kami dapat bantuan dari Sidoharjo beberapa hari kemudian. Banyak sayuran dan beras yang dikirim ke dapur umum sampai bertumpuk-tumpuk di gudang. Aku dan Siti biasanya membantu mengangkut sayuran-sayuran dari gudang ke dapur umum. Kami bersemangat untuk masa depan yang tak bisa diraba.
Sampai dengan perang usai, aku tak pernah bertemu Yoesoef. Aku tinggal dengan Wak Maryam dan dijodohkan dengan seorang tentara bernama Tjipto Soesanto. Dia lebih tua dariku 15 tahun, gagah, dan sangat baik. Sejak menikah dengannya aku dibawanya ikut serta ke Ambarawa. Kutinggalkan Wak Maryam yang membesarkanku dengan kasih sayang seperti ibuku sendiri. Juga Siti—teman baikku.

Pada satu titik, ketika Radio Pemberontakan menyiarkan tentang Kedung Cowek yang dikuasai tentara Inggris, aku sebetulnya yakin bahwa Yoesoef sudah meninggal di antara senjata-senjata yang hendak diangkutnya dengan truk itu. Tapi, aku memilih menenangkan hatiku sendiri. Yoesoef hanya sedang pergi berperang. Dia selalu hidup dalam ingatanku.

Suara Nenek memudar. Matanya yang berkaca-kaca mencerminkan masa yang lampau itu.

******

Terjemahan dalam bahasa Inggris dilakukan dengan bantuan dari Dalang Publishing. Sal Glynn, penyunting.

***

 
 

RESISTANCE RADIO STATION

Grandma started to give me a back massage, relieving the pain caused by carrying a backpack too often. She applied telon oil and her callused hands made me sleepy. I tried to stay awake, waiting for her to tell stories like she always did. Stories about her lasting youth, about Bung Tomo, about Kang Yoesoef—her idol—who was not my grandpa. My grandpa’s name was Tjipto. Yes, I remember my grandpa’s name correctly. It was Tjipto Soesanto, not Yoesoef.

However, Grandma preferred to tell stories about Yoesoef rather than about my grandpa. She still remembered the man whose whereabouts were unknown even after the war ended. I never knew my grandpa. I was born five years after he died.

“Why don’t you get married soon, Tin?” Grandma asked. Her thumb pressed on a spot in my neck and massaged it to loosen the tight muscles.

“You carry heavy backpacks too often.”

I grinned and moaned quietly, burying my face in the pillow that smelled of telon oil. Damn. Grandma’s massage made part of my back hurt even more. Thank God she quickly rubbed more oil on my back. Its warmth made me sleepier. But she had yet to say anything about Yoesoef, about whistling bullets fired from all directions, and about Bung Tomo.

“Why, Tin? Hah? You should marry while you are still young,” Grandma continued.

“I still like to travel, Grandma.”

“You think you can’t travel after marriage?”

“Seems like it. Look at you: you stay at home, taking care of kids and a sick husband.”

Grandma laughed. “That’s because my family was poor and could not afford a higher education for me, Tin. You shouldn’t compare yourself with me.”

I saw in the mirror that Grandma started to smile. Soon the story about the days of war would flow from her lips. About Bung Tomo, who was always on fire as he delivered speeches on Radio Pemberontakan; about Yoesoef, who killed Brigadier General Aubertin Mallaby; and a little about my grandpa.

I knew these stories well. Grandma never missed the chance to tell them while giving her grandchildren a massage. For her, history was always a current event.

***

October 1945

Radio Pemberontakan aired. The opening song was Peter Hodykinson’s “Tiger Shark,” sung by the Hawaiian Islanders. This was not a government broadcast and I didn’t know why it was named Radio Pemberontakan.

Bung Tomo established the radio station three days after his return to Surabaya. In the beginning, its range was only thirty-four kilometers. Almost every day, I went to Yoesoef’s house so I could listen to Bung Tomo. We usually gathered in the living room. Yoesoef’s sister, Siti, and I sat up front because we were little kids.

Radios were a rare commodity. Only activists and high-class people owned them. I didn’t have a radio in my home. We were poor, my father was just a laborer and my mother did not work. Mother always told me I had to become an office clerk’s wife so I would have a radio and other things we didn’t have. But I didn’t want to be the wife of a pencil pusher. I wanted to be the wife of a revolutionist like Kang Yoesoef.

Japan had lost the war and Indonesia gained its independence. As common citizens, we wanted to live peacefully after surviving those hard times. But it was not that easy to get our independence acknowledged.

Soon after Radio Pemberontakan began to air, the white people returned. Their excuse was disarming the Japanese. This led to the incident where they tore down the Merah Putih flag at the top of Yamato Hotel and replaced it with the tricolor flag of red, white, and blue. Indonesians were angry, including Yoesoef, who carried a gun on that day. Hope faded immediately for most people. But the young revolutionists, including Yoesoef, were never afraid of anything. They were willing to die for the independence.
I went to Yoesoef’s house to meet Siti.

“Where is Siti, Kang?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Pik. Try looking inside.”

I stared at Yoesoef, who was about to leave, as Bung Tomo’s voice bellowed on the radio. The voice that set fire to young men whose blood still surged to hear the word “independent.”

Yoesoef turned off the radio and said good-bye. I looked for Siti in the back of house. She was delousing her mother’s head.

“Pik?” Siti turned. Pik was my nickname, short for Warpiah.

“You girls better stay home or you might get in trouble,” Wak Maryam warned us.

I kneeled next to her, and massaged her bare back. Wak Maryam’s eyes slowly closed because of my massage and the breeze. We heard a gunshot and ran for a hiding place near the well. Wak Maryam tightly held Siti and me.

In the following silence, Wak Maryam warned us not to move while she went to the house. After a while Siti and I followed her.
The living room was a mess. The radio was destroyed. Wak Maryam picked up the pieces scattered on the ground.

“Yoesoef will be mad,” she murmured. “Crazy Dutch.”

I peeked through a crack of a window to look at my house.

“Don’t go now, Pik. You might get shot.” Wak Maryam pulled my arm. Siti and I were herded from the back of the house through the grove of sugar cane.

Gunshots were heard again. I was startled and stumbled over a rock on the dike. I almost fell. Luckily, Siti caught me. Wak Maryam turned.

“Hurry,” she said.

***

During the clash between the revolutionists and the British army, Wak Maryam, Siti, and I lived in a soup kitchen in Pregolan.
Wak Maryam volunteered to cook while Siti and me and other little girls helped with serving the activists.

I never saw Yoesoef at the refugee camp. Neither Siti nor Wak Maryam knew his whereabouts. In the camp, we followed the news through the radio. Radio Pemberontakan kept broadcasting about the situation in the center of Surabaya.

Mallaby died. No one knew who the killer was, other than that he must be Indonesian. British troops were wrathful and waged war. I heard Bung Tomo deliver enthusiastic speeches to arouse the people’s spirit.

“Fellow Indonesian young men throughout the country, especially those who are now on the battlefield in Surabaya: Many of our friends have died. Blood has flowed in this city. Many of your friends will never come home. They died in the recent battles. Comrades, we have suffered a lot of casualties. But, believe me, the flesh, blood, and bones of those who died will one day fertilize an independent country, where their children will enjoy equal prosperity and justice. So, comrades, let’s continue this struggle. While we might die and vanish from this world, the future will be filled with prosperity and justice. Comrades, let us continue this struggle, the ultimate victory will be ours. Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Merdeka!”

I left the room where people gathered to visit my mother in the soup kitchen. Two days before, we received news that the British had killed my father. Terribly sad, I roamed the yard. I was more scared that my mother would also be killed. Living alone is not easy.

“Pik, Pik,” a hushed voice said from behind the trees.

“Kang Yoesoef?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m alright, Kang,” I nodded.

“I am sorry about your father. But I took your revenge, Pik. I shot Mallaby.”

“What?” I stared at him. “You have to hide.”

“I’m going to Kedung Cowek, Pik.”

Soon after, Robert Mansergh replaced Mallaby. I heard on Radio Pemberontakan that every armed citizen had to surrender. I kept Yoesoef’s visit a secret from everyone including Wak Maryam, Siti, and my mother. No one should know that Yoesoef had killed the brigadier general.

War broke out a few days later. Bombs were dropped on government buildings. Surabaya was a sea of smoke and fire. We moved from one hiding place to another. Many of us were injured and died, including my mother. Fortunately, there was Wak Maryam, who promised to take care of me. It really was a long and tiring day.

Every day I followed the war on Radio Pemberontakan. Sometimes, the illegal broadcast brought harm to the pribumi. The young natives were enchanted by Bung Tomo’s voice, but the British often intercepted the broadcast to move one step ahead of the revolutionists. Like on the morning Bung Tomo alerted the revolutionists in Undaan, word spread that the British had smashed the artillery there.

“I’m wondering where Kang Yoesoef is, Mom,” murmured Siti.

I almost choked and glanced at Wak Maryam as she stirred the rice.

“Your brother is on the battlefield, alive or dead. All we can do is wait for him until this war ends.”

I wanted to tell Siti, but I didn’t. I couldn’t let down my guard; Yoesoef’s life could be in danger. There were many spies. Motivated by greed, even pribumi became the enemy of their own country.

“Both of you, go help wrap the rice,” Wak Maryam waved us away.

Siti and I left in a hurry. In my heart, I worried about Yoesoef. But Wak Maryam was right; I should wait for this war to end. There were three possibilities: he would come back alive, dead, or never return.

“I worry about Kang Yoesoef, Pik,” Siti said with sadness.

Again, I was quiet. I put my arm around her shoulder. She cried while thinking about her only brother whose whereabouts were unknown.

“Kang Yoesoef will be back,” I whispered to soothe her and calm myself, too.

The young men came. Some brought guns; some brought the injured. I helped Wak Maryam to distribute the rice to them. Near a tree I saw one of Yoesoef’s friends sitting in a group. My feet headed for them and I handed out the rice.

“Did you see Kang Yoesoef, Kang?” I asked.

“No I didn’t, Pik. I haven’t seen Yoesoef for two days.”

My heart stopped beating for a moment. I forced a wry smile and left the men with the rice. I helped Siti as she poured drinks. The soup kitchen was crowded with starved and exhausted young men. I watched Wak Maryam joking with a woman dressed in burlap. They were busy wrapping rice.

“Kang, did you see Kang Yoesoef?” Siti asked one of her brother’s friends.

The man shook his head because his mouth was full. Siti asked another man, but no one knew where he was. She ran crying to Wak Maryam, who patted her head and said Yoesoef would come back.

I ran to the room where people were listening to the news that Kedung Cowek was destroyed by artillery. The armory was smashed two hours after Bung Tomo gave a command through Radio Pemberontakan to distribute all weapons to the people.

Ah, Bung Tomo was reckless. I suddenly remembered that Yoesoef went to Kedung Cowek to get weapons with a group that had come with a truck.

The number of casualties kept increasing. The hospital was on twenty-four-hour alert because the wounded kept coming. The soup kitchen was always open although the food supply started to diminish. Merchants evacuated to border areas to evade the bombs that could drop at anytime. The markets closed. Everyone was scared.

The next day we luckily got help from Sidoharjo. So much vegetables and rice were sent to the soup kitchen that they piled up in the warehouse. Siti and I helped to bring vegetables from the warehouse to soup kitchen. We were enthusiastic about an uncertain future.

I never saw Yoesoef again. I lived with Wak Maryam and entered into an arranged marriage with a soldier named Tjipto Soesanto. He was fifteen years older than me, well built, and very kind. After our marriage he took me with him to Ambarawa. I left Wak Maryam, who had taken care of me as if she were my own mother. I also left Siti—my best friend.

When Radio Pemberontakan broadcasted the British take over of Kedung Cowek, I was sure that Yoesoef had died with the weapons he was supposed to transport. But I chose to calm my heart. Yoesoef just went to war. In my memories he is still alive.

Grandma’s voice faded, the past reflected in her glassy eyes.

******